Desperate Catladies


Walking into restaurants and hugging random strangers. Strutting pantless past sheer-curtained windows. Petting alley cats from down the street. This is my life. I’m no desperate housewife. I am a desperate catlady.

Singleness can be a blast. But sometimes singleness is terribly boring as well. After a drastic cut, my hairstylist… uh – well, styled my hair… and then she told me I should go out and flaunt the new ‘do. I laughed and responded, “Oh yeah… Hot date lined up on a Monday night? Definitely … Not.”

Then I assured her that my precious feline would appreciate my extravagant beauty. The sad part is, I did kinda wanna show off when I got out of there. To someone. It’s times like those that I miss the city. If there were a Starbuck’s nearby, I could have chilled in there and flirted shamelessly for a good couple hours. $5 for a coffee may sound expensive. But $5 to flirt with a man who isn’t drunk for over an hour on a Monday or Tuesday night is actually an incredible deal! And if the flirting is successful, you get a free coffee the next time.

And I’m not even sure I would call it flirting… After a hair appointment, it is more like exuding beauty and enjoying the recognition of said beauty.

Alas – I live in Hickville, USA. I could have gone to Dunkin Donuts – but Dunkin quality men don’t compare to Starbuck’s quality men. I could have gone to the grocery store and thrown myself at that one gorgeous manager. Except I still haven’t figured out a decent way to go about hitting on him. Every idea I come up with that would capture a busy store manager’s attention – would also get me thrown out of the store. Any other options? I’ll skip the bar – drunken slobber ruins the best of haircuts. And everything else is closed. Stores close by 7pm on Monday nights in towns this small.

Oh well. I arrived at my apartment and greeted my cat. That night was okay, but one of these days I’m bound to hit a peak of desperation. When that happens – let’s skip the cheesy television series and make an award-winning movie.


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