Pants

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My pastor thinks that God originally intended for a woman to leave her parents’ home only after she weds. I talked him down to the “original intention” thing. He initially told me that a woman shouldn’t leave her parents’ house until she was married – and he implied “ever”. After he realized he’d blurted that philosophy out to a single woman who moved out of her parents’ home some time ago and doesn’t plan to go back, his eyes widened and he backtracked a little bit. Later we discussed the topic more thoroughly [I may have even blogged about it – I cannot remember] and he succumbed to the clause, “I believe that is what God originally intended.”

Don’t get me wrong: I love my pastor and his family. And I respect his thoughts and opinions. But I also disagree with many [minor] things he believes.

This whole discussion got me pondering that phrase quite a bit… “As God originally intended…”

Here’s the thing: The world is not anything like the way God intended it.

He intended for no sin. He intended no pain. No death. No suffering. No pants.

[Katie – if you so much as mutter the words “Hippie Nudist” I swear I will steal all of your drugs and rip every remaining tooth out of your skull! Don’t test me, woman!]

A few years ago, while I was in high school, a man came to my house to deliver a package. I was home alone, skipping school in all likelihood. He climbed up our porch and touched the doorbell. Compelled by curiosity, (I am a cat lady. Aren’t cats noted for their curiosity?), I peered through the blinds at the man on the porch. Crap… he saw me. I was stuck. He knew someone was inside. I had to answer the door. Ignoring the doorbell after peering out the window is the ultimate slap-in-the-face to a delivery man. I now had about thirty seconds to be polite and answer the door. Otherwise, he would walk away from my porch in disgust. And shatter the next fragile package he had to deliver to my house.

What’s the big deal? I know you don’t understand. You wonder why I couldn’t just open the door. I’ll tell you: I wasn’t wearing pants.

In my 30 second time crush, I made a rash decision. The second door had a screen on top, but the opaque plastic portion rose to about my belly button. As long as the man stared at my face, I would be safe. He’d never know. I lunged for the door and greeted him awkwardly.

A strange expression crossed his face and he glanced downward. He knew. I scooted closer to the door so he would not be able to see. His eyes still wandered toward my lower half. He was obviously shocked by what he could hardly see.

Then came the moment, I hadn’t thought ahead to in my 30 second time period of decision-making. He was a delivery man. I had to accept a package from him. The screen door would have to be opened. CRAP! CRAP, CRAP, CRAP!!! 

I will spare the details of those next few minutes. I was embarrassed then. I refuse to humiliate myself further.

After he left, I thought to myself, That would have been SO much less awkward if I were wearing a bathing suit. Wait a minute – why would a bathing suit make that situation less awkward?? How is a bathing suit any more modest than what I was already wearing? 

It would have looked exactly the same. And yet – waltzing out in front of a stranger wearing a bathing suit is far more socially acceptable than waltzing out in front of that same stranger wearing a tee shirt and underwear. Life is not fair.

It was my house. I had every right to walk around without pants.

How does this relate back to my first paragraph? Recently, I had another “pants” episode, similar to the one I just described. I may share in a “Pants – Part 2” blog at a later date. The scenario ended in my scoffing at wearing pants in the privacy of my own home and a joking comment, “Pants are of the devil.”

Then I remembered my conversation about singleness with my pastor. And I realized that pants really are of the devil!! Adam and Eve didn’t grab those fig leaves until after they sinned! In a perfect world, a world as God intended it, I wouldn’t have to wear pants.

*Sigh*. Too bad we don’t live life in a world as God originally intended. Now we have to deal with sin. And pants. Among other things.

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One response »

  1. lol! See what happened when you skipped school. I’m laughing now. I would not have laughed then. Thought provoking article. How often do you threaten Katie with physical violence, and what was that about stealing her prescription?

    Your loving Mother

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