$6. I couldn’t resist. The book is called Marry Him [The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough]. I had to hear the argument.
As a single, I cannot count the number of times I’ve been told, “Never settle! Don’t get married until you find your Mr. Right. Keep waiting. You will find your man when the timing is right.” ….
What did this author (who is female – to my shock!) have to tell me that could contradict those words I’ve heard from others over the years? When I saw the title, I first expected the author to be male. I suspected a man frustrated by being passed up by beautiful women, who finally had too much – and lashed out in a book begging women to accept the “good enough” guys out there like him. When I saw that the book was authored by a woman named Lori Gottlieb instead, I paused – and wondered what points she would bring to the table. And whether or not other women would respect her opinion or rage against her theory.
Just to state my own opinion upfront: I loved the book.
To clear things up a bit, she was not talking about settling for a guy who works at McDonald’s as opposed to the Pentagon. She did not refer to the man who is in a rehab program as opposed to the man who never struggled with addiction. She wasn’t talking about “good enough” men as in the those who are barely stable or in opposition to men who are intelligent and successful. See below the kinds of guys Gottlieb referenced – as well as some of the reasons different women rejected them:
- He’s 5’7″. She always hoped for 6’2″.
- “He was very loving but he wasn’t romantic enough… I wanted a guy who sent flowers.” (page 20)
- “He brought me flowers, but cheesy ones that just spoke to bad taste…” (page 20)
- He’s stable. But she finds him too predictable. Mr. Right is more exciting.
- He was bald. “I’d always been attracted to guys who had the kind of hair you could run your fingers through.” (page 21)
- He was too optimistic. “I didn’t want to ‘look on the bright side’ all the time.” (page 21)
- “He loved me too much… I wanted more of a manly man.” (page 22)
- He’d never seen Casablanca. She wanted someone more “refined”.
Guys, if you are shaking your head in disgust at the terrible reason these women rejected perfectly reasonable men, rest assured that I am also. This book did a wonderful justice to the average guy who has been overlooked by the self-centered woman time and time again.
Mr. Right doesn’t have to be tall, dark and handsome. Tall, dark and handsome may break your heart. Mr. Right was actually short, stocky, and incredibly sweet – but you wouldn’t have anything to do with him. You didn’t see him because you were looking for perfect. But in your hopeless search for perfection, you passed up the man who was good enough. Good enough isn’t such a bad catch when you realize Perfect doesn’t exist anyway.