Tag Archives: date

Cat in a Box

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It’s closing in on the end of the year. There has been a lot on my mind.

For one thing, my best friend gave me a time limit on The Challenge (https://sarahbux.wordpress.com/2012/07/31/the-challenge/). I know I haven’t really given any updates on The Challenge…

My thoughts have been… well… Define “date”.

That definition makes all the difference, really. According to some, I’ve been on a few dates since then. According to me, none of those outings were dates. But for the sake of completing the challenge I would be happy to call them dates.

The Challenge isn’t the only thing that has been on my mind, however. As a new year approaches, I cannot help but recall my New Year’s resolution for 2012. I stood in a group and requested prayer regarding my fear of relationship. Well, that is partially true. I asked for prayer regarding a specific fear – but never mentioned which one. Nonetheless, throughout the year I tried to move forward in conquering that fear.

And I thought I was doing well after I returned from Jamaica. At one point I thought to myself, I feel as if I am more ready now to be in a relationship than I ever have been before… Unfortunately, a few days later a friend of mine told me I was due for a boyfriend and I completely panicked. What do you mean I’m due? Why would I need a boyfriend? I’d rather just be single… I like being single…. Don’t tell me I’m due!

The fact is, I probably am due for a relationship. But stepping into a relationship would require stepping out of my comfortable box. My cat made himself at home tonight in a cardboard box that I have out. I feel like that picture may accurately portray my situation. Although my box is getting kind of small, and it is even starting to bust, I do not want to leave it. There is a certain level of peace inside those walls.

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And the Fears Emerge

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I can think of at least four men who would help me complete this challenge this very week. And although I’ve been told not to think, just to act – I can’t turn off my mind.

#4. I have no doubts that he is out to use me. He is completely gorgeous. But he’s also a total loser. He’s hit on me several times – but he seems to think that I won’t go out with him because I am a lesbian. I’m not. But I really haven’t argued with him about it because it’s so much easier not to like him when he believes that. And I don’t want to like him. Because he’s a loser. If I hit on him, I’m fairly certain he’d jump at the chance to date me. But I really think he’d be dating me in an effort to take everything from me that he possibly could. Drugs have eliminated his soul and I’d rather not mess around with a guy who has no soul.

#3. He’s rather unreliable, so it might take more than a week to get a date. But I am positive he would make it happen by the end of the month. Probably by the end of the week – because I’ve refused him the last three times and I think he’s getting eager to see me. So if I made a move, I think he’d take the bait right now. He seems like a pretty decent guy, but I can’t count on him for much of anything. I don’t think he knows how to put a relationship first. And he’s made clear that he does not want to get married. I’m not going to stay in any kind of long-term relationship that isn’t geared toward marriage. So I feel like any effort put into dating this guy would just lead to exhaustion, pain, and heartache in the long run. Why bother?

#2. This one also does drugs. But I’m confident that he still has a soul and that he actually cares about me. However, his addiction hinders his life from going forward. He can’t make much more than minimum wage where he works. But he’s told me he won’t really look for another job because other workplaces drug-test. I get along with him quite well. He’s a fabulous person to talk with. But it’s obvious that as long as his life is going nowhere, our relationship would go nowhere. I’d probably enjoy a few dates. But I would dump him quickly. He is the sensitive type. I would feel terrible afterward.

#1. He would follow me to the ends of the earth and do everything humanly possible to please me. I have never met a man quite so determined to be with me. One or two have come close. But he takes the cake. Nonetheless, we do not relate on an intellectual level. He is another one that I know I would dump.

I ran into a guy recently who asked me out months ago. When he asked me out, I tried to explain to him in the kindest way possible why we would not fit well together, and I rejected his offer. He is the type of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. I knew for some time that he liked me. His face lit up when I entered the room. He went out of his way to do things for me. I knew that eventually he would ask me out and I would have to explain my feelings of disinterest. Unfortunately, after that whole scenario played out, he did not miraculously change into a man who is difficult to read. He still wears his heart on his sleeve. Although it has been months, I hate running into him. When I see him, he looks so miserable. I feel like all he thinks when he sees me is, “There she is. There’s the girl who broke my heart.”

To sum this all up – I am pointing out the two primary reasons I do not date.

A)     I am afraid of being hurt or being used. (This is the issue with #4 and #3.)

B)      I am afraid of hurting or using someone else. (This is the issue with #2 and #1.)

I have a feeling that blog posts to follow over the next few weeks will get more serious than they have been for awhile… I am going to delve into fear.

Love-Struck (Emphasis on Struck)

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It was the day after I accepted the challenge. I crawled out of bed 15 minutes late, wobbled toward the bathroom to take my shower, and then rushed my morning routine in an effort to arrive at work almost at time. My workplace is exactly a 5-minute walk from my apartment. Sad truth is that when I’m tired and lazy in the morning, I often wait until I only have two minutes to get to work and I take my car instead of walking. If I could pull myself out of bed earlier I would walk each day. Or at least the vast majority of the time. I might drive in rain. However, it’s about half and half right now, and that particular day was an “I’m supposed to be at work in a minute and a half!” day. So I bolted out my door, fled down my steps, trotted toward the street, and stopped suddenly at the sight of my car. Insert *jaw dropping open*.

I was dumbfounded. I called work, told them I would be late, and basically panicked over the phone to my co-worker (I don’t know what to do! What should I do? What do you think I should do!?). Then I saw a note stuck under my windshield wiper.

First I assumed it was a ticket – which only added to the panic. I don’t really have the best relationship with PD in this town. But I mentally checked off every possible reason a cop could issue a ticket and cleared myself of that idea. I had done nothing to deserve a ticket.

Then I imagined a short note from the perpetrator stating something like, “Sorry I ruined your car. I don’t have insurance, so I had to go. Hope you get everything straightened out!”

I waddled my tired, but now terrified, body over to the car and grabbed the note. It was from a police officer stating that the person who backed into my car had reported the accident and was basically doing everything in his power to correct his mistake. A police report would be complete and available the next day. The name and number of the man who hit my car was also in the note. Relief washed over me.

I walked to work – feeling grateful for this unknown person’s integrity and also for the fact that I can walk to work.

On the way to my cubicle, I stopped in my friend’s office to show him my pictures and relate my morning’s adventures.  After listening to my explanation, he looks at me with eyebrows raised and says, “Maybe this happened for a reason. This guy sounds honest. Maybe you two were meant to meet…”

That was a guy talking. I thought women were supposed to be the romantics.

By lunchtime, two other coworkers had also suggested I date this random stranger who damaged my car. Might I add that I had not even seen this guy – had no idea how old he was – who he was – why he was on my street (which is kind of known for drug trafficking…) – if he is single – if he is straight – etc.

But apparently none of those details matter. He is obviously honest. So I’m told I should date him. Amazing how a wrecked car can turn into a matchmaking event in a cat lady’s life.

Take the Hint

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“So what’s your favorite dinner food?”

I looked at the man questioning me. There is only one possible reason he wants to know. I didn’t dare respond.

He asked again, “Seriously, what kind of food do you like? You like steak?”

“Uh… I like to fast, actually. Yeah,” I offered him the lamest answer I could come up with. I have already refused invites for coffee, dinner, bowling, and a trip to the movie theater. By no means do I lead this poor man on.

“Oh, you like fast food? Like Burger King or McDonald’s?” he enthused.

“NO!” I started to panic. “No, not fast food… I meant I like to fast – as in, I don’t like to eat.”

I would say ANYTHING to get out of this situation – to cause him to give up and move on. He ignored my hesitant and completely non-informative reply by asking again in a different way. I looked at the seven year-old boy sitting nearby. He had been watching our exchange in silence.

I realized he could be my scapegoat. I smiled at him and said, “What do you like to eat?”

Before he could respond, my interrogator jumped in and countered, “I didn’t ask him! I want to know what you like to eat. I have something up my sleeve.”

Here’s the thing: He’s a very nice man. But he hasn’t a chance in the world. I’ve denied his offers countless times. He cannot take a hint.

I’ve told him I am not interested in a relationship. I turn down each and every date. Recently I turned down yet another dinner invitation – I think it was the fourth one. He asked if I would change my mind if he sent flowers to me at my workplace. I looked him in the eye and declared the gesture would not help. I would still not date him. He shook his head and mumbled something about, “All I can do is keep trying…”

I was flabbergasted. Or you could give up….

How do you react to a man who does not back down after you have blatantly rejected him several times over? I’ve already admitted that he is a nice guy. He is very sweet. I really don’t want to become vicious toward him. Unfortunately, bold and honest rejection is completely ineffective. I have never before met someone so willfully oblivious to my lack of interest. I’m not sure what else to try. Some suggest that I take him up on one of his offers. I cannot bring myself to do that. I believe it would only encourage his pursuit all the more.

In the meantime, I remain polite toward him. And I avoid flirting or anything that could possibly be misconstrued as flirting at all costs. And I pray that the perfect woman will bounce into his life and take his mind off me completely. And quickly.

Anyone else got any ideas? Why won’t this guy take the hint?