Mr. Good Enough?

Still pondering this book by Lori Gottlieb called Marry Him [The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough]… I cannot help but wonder, have I misjudged any Mr. Good Enoughs in my own pursuit for Mr. Perfect?

Mr. Dominant was a stable, Christian man. Thoughtful. Kind. Chivalrous. Full of integrity, I have no doubt. But I call him Mr. Dominant for a reason – he’s your ultimate man’s man. Hard head. Strong backbone. He liked me because so far we agreed on many things. But I knew that the moment I disagreed with him, we would fight. We are both fighters – we would have to fight. And the fights would probably get vicious. He always struck me as the kind of guy who would throw out a statement like, “Woman, submit!” in a fierce argument. I turned him down.

Mr. Marijuana Enthusiast. He’s not Christian. Super laid-back. Friendly. Seems to be a good listener. Deep thinker. He’s the kind of guy who can be friends with anyone. And he also thinks pot should be legalized. I’ve only ever expressed one opinion against marijuana to him. I told him I didn’t think he should smoke before he rode his motorcycle because it would slow down his reflexes which is terribly dangerous on a bike. Ever since then he has taken every opportunity to tell me why marijuana is good and helpful to people or society as a whole. He is obviously an addict, as opposed to a social smoker. And I know where he works – I don’t know how he affords his habit. I avoid the relationship avenue in conversation. 

Mr. Too Shy to Say Hi. Christian. Seemed sweet. My pastor spoke extremely highly of him. Servant-hearted. That’s about all I know. Because he almost never talked. One day after I had known him and had been trying to pull him out of his shell for weeks, he walked up beside me and stopped. He just stood there next to me. I prayed to God and said, “If he says even one word I will talk to him. But he has to say something. Anything. Even just ‘hi’. I will not speak to him until he initiates.” After a good two minutes of silence, he walked away. I sighed in frustration, and pretty much completely ignored him from then on.

Mr. Excitable. Newly saved. Friends with my brother. Very expressive. Very talkative. Gushed over me. He was completely obsessed with alcohol and his new ability to buy it [I wasn’t 21 yet]. Asked me out seconds after he told me that he didn’t date girls my age. I laughed in his face. He never wanted to see me again.

Mr. Old Man. Not Christian. Great job – not only did he love his work, but he was successful. Polite. Friendly. Obviously interested in me – without seeming pervy – which was very flattering. Terrible with time management. Left me hanging several times. But always tried to make it up. Very generous. Workaholic. Refused to date him due to the difference in faith. If he became Christian… I would probably still refuse him because he is 16 years older than me. We’re still friendly acquaintances.

Mr. Hippie. Christian. Artistic. We seem to have similar life desires and interests. I’m amazed at how much we agree on nearly everything we discuss. And the discussions are fabulous. But the job thing is constantly fluctuating. Reliability in general kind of sucks. Haven’t made any real decisions about him yet.

Mr. Catholic. Christian – from the world’s perspective. But I want a man that I can view as my spiritual leader. And there is a lot about Catholicism that I disagree with wholeheartedly. Other than that, I think he’s great. Funny. Upbeat. Stable job. Shared hobby. Respectful. Nice to be around. I smile at the end of nearly every phone call. Even if he’s calling with a problem. Haven’t made any firm decisions about this one either.

Mr. Prince Charming. Christian. Tall, dark, and handsome. Values women. Treats his mother like an angel. Good job. Makes me laugh. Laid-back. He’s really a winner all-around. I would TOTALLY date him. But he’s never asked me out… Am I aiming too high?

Well -these are a few… What do you think, guys? Was I too harsh? Am I as bad as the girls in Gottlieb’s book that I scoffed at? I want to know: In a man’s opinion, have I passed up (or am I passing up)  a Mr. Good Enough in a way that I shouldn’t have?

Are my current reservations legitimate? Or am I being too picky – even unreasonable? 

Girls, I want to know what you think as well. Have you passed up a Mr. Good Enough, only to cry about it later? What would you consider a dealbreaker?

Give a Guy a Chance

$6. I couldn’t resist. The book is called Marry Him [The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough]. I had to hear the argument.

As a single, I cannot count the number of times I’ve been told, “Never settle! Don’t get married until you find your Mr. Right. Keep waiting. You will find your man when the timing is right.” ….

What did this author (who is female – to my shock!) have to tell me that could contradict those words I’ve heard from others over the years? When I saw the title, I first expected the author to be male. I suspected a man frustrated by being passed up by beautiful women, who finally had too much – and lashed out in a book begging women to accept the “good enough” guys out there like him. When I saw that the book was authored by a woman named Lori Gottlieb instead, I paused – and wondered what points she would bring to the table. And whether or not other women would respect her opinion or rage against her theory.

Just to state my own opinion upfront: I loved the book.

To clear things up a bit, she was not talking about settling for a guy who works at McDonald’s as opposed to the Pentagon. She did not refer to the man who is in a rehab program as opposed to the man who never struggled with addiction. She wasn’t talking about “good enough” men as in the those who are barely stable or in opposition to men who are intelligent and successful. See below the kinds of guys Gottlieb referenced – as well as some of the reasons different women rejected them:

• He’s 5’7″. She always hoped for 6’2″.
• “He was very loving but he wasn’t romantic enough… I wanted a guy who sent flowers.” (page 20)
• “He brought me flowers, but cheesy ones that just spoke to bad taste…” (page 20)
• He’s stable. But she finds him too predictable. Mr. Right is more exciting.
• He was bald. “I’d always been attracted to guys who had the kind of hair you could run your fingers through.” (page 21)
• He was too optimistic. “I didn’t want to ‘look on the bright side’ all the time.” (page 21)
• “He loved me too much… I wanted more of a manly man.” (page 22)
• He’d never seen Casablanca. She wanted someone more “refined”.

Guys, if you are shaking your head in disgust at the terrible reason these women rejected perfectly reasonable men, rest assured that I am also. This book did a wonderful justice to the average guy who has been overlooked by the self-centered woman time and time again.

Mr. Right doesn’t have to be tall, dark and handsome. Tall, dark and handsome may break your heart. Mr. Right was actually short, stocky, and incredibly sweet – but you wouldn’t have anything to do with him. You didn’t see him because you were looking for perfect. But in your hopeless search for perfection, you passed up the man who was good enough. Good enough isn’t such a bad catch when you realize Perfect doesn’t exist anyway.