Dear Besties:

I’m beginning to think that you all hate me.

Discretion? What’s that? Privacy? Who needs it? 

Wait – are you not the type to wear your heart on your sleeve? No worries! I will rip it out and tape it to your sleeve! Problem fixed.

Those things you said in confidence? Please… secrecy is for sissies. Allow me to broadcast your issues to the world. Don’t thank me now. What are friends for?

To all my guy friends: I miss you terribly. Somehow I managed to forget that women are completely incapable of keeping their friggen mouths shut.

For now, I’m okay. I’ve scolded those who are pissing me off and, slowly but surely, I am getting better at this not telling my close friends anything important because I realize more each day that they don’t know how to SHUT UP.

Unfortunately, it is only a matter of time before I crack. I will either go psycho-killer on them after they expose one too many of my vulnerabilities inappropriately. Or I will invest in duct tape. Lots and lots of duct tape. Besties, don’t say I didn’t warn you.